It can be very difficult to see someone who you care about becoming unwell, but you don’t need to be an expert on mental health to offer support. Often small, everyday actions can make the biggest difference.
Show your support
If you know someone has been unwell, don’t be afraid to ask how they are. They might want to talk about it, or they might not. But just letting them know they don’t have to avoid the issue with you is important. Spending time with your loved one lets them know you care and can help you understand what they’re going through.
Supporting my daughter through crisis
“…[D]espite mental health problems, with the right support, people can overcome a crisis.”
Read Lynn’s story
“Sometimes all you need is a hug and for someone to tell you that you’re going to get there.”
Ask how you can help
Everyone will want support at different times and in different ways, so ask how you can help. It might be useful to help keep track of medication or give support at a doctor’s appointment. If your friend wants to get more exercise, you could do this together, or if your partner is affected by lack of sleep, you could help them get into a regular sleeping pattern.
Be open-minded
Phrases like ‘cheer up’, ‘I’m sure it’ll pass’, and ‘pull yourself together’ definitely don’t help. Try to be non-judgemental and listen. Someone experiencing a mental health problem often knows best what’s helpful for them.
“Leave out the ‘cheer up’ comments, they don’t help and force my low moods lower as my condition is being made a joke of.”
Don’t just talk about mental health
Keep in mind that having a mental health problem is just one aspect of your friend or family member’s life. Most people don’t want to be defined by their mental health problems, so keep talking about the things you’ve always talked about together.
“For me, it is good to have them there to talk to me about other things, and take my mind off negative thoughts.”
Show trust and respect
Trust and respect between you and your friend or a family member are very important – they help to rebuild and maintain a sense of self-esteem, which a mental health problem can seriously damage. This can also help you to cope a bit better if you can see your support having a positive impact on the person you care about.
Caring for my husband with bipolar
“Caring is lonely. It is an unrelenting task.”
Read Kate’s story
Look after yourself
Supporting someone else can sometimes be stressful. Making sure that you look after your own well-being can mean that you have the energy, time, and distance you need to be able to help. For example:
Set boundaries and don’t take too much on. If you become unwell yourself, you won’t be able to offer as much support. (See our pages on how to manage stress for more information.)
Share your caring role with others, if you can. It’s often easier to support someone if you’re not doing it alone.
Talk to someone about how you’re feeling. You may want to be careful about how much information you share about the person you’re supporting, but talking about your own feelings with someone you trust can help you feel supported too.
Get support
You may be entitled to social care support from your Local Authority to help you care for your friend or family member. You can contact them directly and ask for a carers assessment (see our pages on carers’ social care rights and how to cope when supporting someone else for more information).
Many people experiencing a mental health problem will speak to friends and family before they speak to a health professional, so the support you offer can be really valuable. This page covers:
What emotional support can I offer?
What practical support can I offer?
What can I do if someone doesn’t want my help?
What if they believe things that seem very unusual or scary to me?
What can I do if it’s an emergency?
How can I look after myself?
Under 18? We have information for you on how to support a friend or partner who’s struggling
See young people’s guides
What emotional support can I offer?
If someone lets you know that they are experiencing difficult thoughts and feelings, it’s common to feel like you don’t know what to do or say – but you don’t need any special training to show someone you care about them. Often just being there for someone and doing small things can be really valuable. For example:
Listen. Simply giving someone space to talk, and listening to how they’re feeling, can be really helpful in itself. If they’re finding it difficult, let them know that you’re there when they are ready.
Offer reassurance. Seeking help can feel lonely, and sometimes scary. You can reassure someone by letting them know that they are not alone and that you will be there to help.
Stay calm. Even though it might be upsetting to hear that someone you care about is distressed, try to stay calm. This will help your friend or family member feel calmer too, and show them that they can talk to you openly without upsetting you.
Be patient. You might want to know more details about their thoughts and feelings or want them to get help immediately. But it’s important to let them set the pace for seeking support themselves.
Try not to make assumptions. Your perspective might be useful to your friend or family member, but try not to assume that you already know what may have caused their feelings, or what will help.
Keep social contact. Part of the emotional support you offer could be to keep things as normal as possible. This could include involving your friend or family member in social events or chatting about other parts of your lives.
“I had one friend who helped me by just listening and never judging. Without him, my recovery time would have been much longer.”
What practical support can I offer?
There are lots of practical things you can do to support someone who is ready to seek help. For example:
Look for information that might be helpful. When someone is seeking help they may feel worried about making the right choice or feel that they have no control over their situation. Our page on making yourself heard will give you some ideas on what research you can do, and ways you can help someone think about what might work for them.
Help to write down lists of questions that the person you’re supporting wants to ask their doctor, or help to put points into an order that makes sense (for example, most important point first).
Help to organize paperwork, for example making sure that your friend or a family member has somewhere safe to keep their notes, prescriptions, and records of appointments.
Go to appointments with them, if they want you to – even just being there in the waiting room can help someone feel reassured.
Ask them if there are any specific practical tasks you could help with, and work on those. For example, this could include:
offering them a lift somewhere
arranging childcare for them
taking over a chore or household task.
Learn more about the problem they experience, to help you think about other ways you could support them. Our website provides lots of information about different types of mental health problems, including pages on what friends and family can do to help in each case.
What can I do if someone doesn’t want my help?
If you feel that someone you care about is clearly struggling but can’t or won’t reach out for help, and won’t accept any help you offer, it’s understandable to feel frustrated, distressed, and powerless. But it’s important to accept that they are an individual and that there are always limits to what you can do to support another person.
You can:
Be patient. You won’t always know the full story, and there may be reasons why they are finding it difficult to ask for help.
Offer emotional support and reassurance. Let them know you care about them and you’ll be there if they change their mind.
Inform them how to seek help when they’re ready (for example, you could show them our pages on talking to your GP and what might happen at the appointment).
Look after yourself, and make sure you don’t become unwell yourself.
You can’t:
Force someone to talk to you. It can take time for someone to feel able to talk openly, and putting pressure on them to talk might make them feel less comfortable telling you about their experiences.
Force someone to get help (if they’re over 18, and it’s not an emergency situation). As adults, we are all ultimately responsible for making our own decisions. This includes when – or if – we choose to seek help when we feel unwell.
See a doctor for someone else. A doctor might give you general information about symptoms or diagnoses, but they won’t be able to share any specific advice or details about someone else without their agreement.
Can you make someone get help with their mental health?
Lucy from Mind’s information team answers one of the hardest questions we get on our helpline, ‘Can you make someone get help?’
What if they believe things that seem very unusual or scary to me?
If someone is experiencing reality in a very different way from people around them, they may not realize or agree that seeking help could be useful for them. They may be experiencing psychosis, mania, hearing voices, or feeling very paranoid. In this case, it can also be helpful to:
Focus on how their beliefs are making them feel (for example anxious, scared, threatened, or confused), as these feelings will be very real.
Avoid confirming or denying their beliefs. Instead, it can help to say something like “I understand that you see things that way, but it’s not like that for me.”
There are a lot of misunderstandings about what it means to experience psychosis. Lots of people wrongly think that the word ‘psychotic’ means ‘dangerous’. But it’s important to remember that in reality, very few people who experience psychosis ever hurt anyone else. (See our page on stigma and misconceptions for more information.)
What can I do if it’s an emergency?
There may be times when your friend or family member needs to seek help more urgently, such as if they:
have harmed themselves and need medical attention
are having suicidal feelings, and feel they may act on them
are putting themselves or someone else at immediate, serious risk of harm.
If they are not safe by themselves right now
Stay with them and help them call 999 for an ambulance if you feel able to do so. Or you could help them get to A&E. They may appreciate it if you can wait with them until they can see a doctor.
If they can keep themselves safe for a little while
You can get quick medical advice by contacting NHS 111 in England, or NHS 111 in Wales. Or you could help them make an emergency GP appointment to see a doctor soon.
You can also encourage them to call Samaritans on 116 123 to talk to someone, 24 hours a day. Or you could suggest they try another helpline or listening service.
It may also help to remove things they could use to harm themselves, especially if they have mentioned specific things they might use.
If you or others feel in danger right now
You can call 999 and ask the police to help. You might feel worried about getting someone in trouble, but it’s important to put your own safety first.
If you’re not in a situation like this right now, but you’re worried someone you care about may experience a mental health crisis in the future, it’s a good idea to make a crisis plan with them to work out what steps you will take to help them in an emergency. See our page on planning for a crisis for more information.
How can I look after myself?
Supporting someone else can be challenging. Making sure that you look after your own well-being can mean that you have the energy, time, and distance to help someone else. For example:
Take a break when you need it. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by supporting someone or it’s taking up a lot of time or energy, taking some time for yourself can help you feel refreshed.
Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling. You may want to be careful about how much information you share about the person you’re supporting, but talking about your own feelings to a friend can help you feel supported too.
Set boundaries and be realistic about what you can do. Your support is really valuable, but it’s up to your friend or family member to seek support for themselves. Remember that small, simple things can help and that just being there for them is probably helping a lot.
Share your caring role with others, if you can. It’s often easier to support someone if you’re not doing it alone.
If you care for another person, it can feel difficult to take time to look after yourself. On this page, we direct you to our information about experiences of caring, tips for your own mental health, and where to find support.
Are you a carer?
You are a carer if you provide any kind of unpaid support or care to someone who is unwell or disabled. This includes people with mental health problems. You don’t have to get paid to count as a carer. You could be a carer for a friend or family member.
Recognizing difficult feelings
Caring for someone else can affect your mental health and make it harder to stay well. You may experience some difficult feelings.
Getting support as a carer
There are many ways to find support as a carer. Find out about support for your mental health, as well as practical help and local support.
Tips to look after yourself
Caring for someone else can take a lot of time and energy. But it’s important to look after your own well-being when you can.
Caring for someone with a mental health problem
If you provide care for someone in any way, the information above may be helpful and relevant to you. However, there may be different challenges when caring for someone with a mental health problem. We explain where to find further information and advice below.
Coping with additional challenges
If you care for someone with a mental health problem, you may face additional challenges. We explain some of these and offer tips that may help.
Your social care rights
We explain your legal rights, including the carer’s assessment. This information is for adult carers of someone experiencing a mental health problem.
Specific mental health problems
Whether or not you consider yourself a carer, you might be supporting someone close to you with their mental health. Get tips for family and friends which are relevant to specific mental health problems.
Kate blogs about what it’s like managing her mental health while caring for her husband.
“Caring for someone with a mental health condition is hard. The invisibility of the illness can make it feel like you’re not a ‘real’ carer. Trust me: you are.”
Support organizations for carers
Whether the person you care for is experiencing a physical or a mental health problem, there is support available for you as a carer. We have a full list of support options for different needs.